Dear Aibby
Everyone’s asking AI for life advice these days—but here’s a wild idea: what if the greatest artificial intelligence has been in your skull this whole time? In this weekly column I’m just a human using my brain, to out AI the AI. Let’s see what happens when silicon logic is applied through the filter of grey matter.
Dear Aibby: I’ve been dating someone for over a year, and while they’re kind and dependable, I’m not sure I’m in love anymore. I keep waiting to feel a spark that never comes. Should I hold on and hope, or let them go and risk regretting it?
– Torn in Tampa
Dear Torn, If you’re asking if you should leave, then leave. I’m not even sure how this made it to my desk, my assistant is supposed to weed out the dumb-dumbs. If you didn’t want to leave you wouldn’t ask to leave—it is one of those questions people ask when they already know that answer but they need someone to hold their hand because they’re a scared little baby.
Leave them you scared little baby.
Also, you can’t wait for a spark, you have to make a spark. I’d hate to be camping with you and freeze to death while you wait for a spark to start our campfire.
Dear Aibby: I love my wife, but she constantly corrects me in front of others, especially at dinner parties. It’s humiliating. How do I bring this up without starting a fight?
-Humiliated in Houston
Dear Humiliated, have you ever stopped to think that your wife is right? You say she “corrects” you—not disagree, not contradict, she specifically corrects you. That means you were wrong. Do you think she should degrade and humiliate herself by acting like you’re correct?
My advice is for you to sit down and ponder this—are you really an idiot? The signs are there—you’re wrong so often it has become an issue with your wife, you go to a lot of dinner parties and you live in Houston. I’ll even answer the question and save you the ponder—you are an idiot.
Go talk to your wife—apologize, thank her for marrying and idiot and then buy her some expensive jewelry you big dumb idiot.
If you have a question for Dear Aibby, please send a message!