I was told by a friend that instead of using cook books or trusted websites for recipes she used AI. I was skeptical but decided to give my trusted friend’s idea a chance. This week I’m making a delicious Potato Leek Soup, courtesy of artificial intelligence*.
*No AI was used in the making of this recipe. Except the photo, I did AI a photo.
I’ll never forget my first trip to the old country. My grandmother had often told tales of famine and brutal war machines, painting a magical picture of a place that could only exist in dreams. When my boyfriend mentioned the tremendous bitcoin opportunity in my family’s motherland, how could I say no to a visit.
Famously, there are three things that are must do when visiting the country of my ancestors. One, always always make sure to visit General’s Park. This isn’t just a recommendation, it is a command. Every tourist must visit General’s Park and make a wish for General Bertland’s success as sovereign ruler and protector of the realm while tossing a 10 Klinksle coin into the parks’ fountain. Visitors who do not get their passport stamped at the park are subjects to fines, imprisonment or execution.
Second, your trip wouldn’t be complete without shitting on the rock of the prophet. It is said to bring good luck not only to the shitter, but to the prophet encased in the rock.
And last, if you don’t get a big bowl of potato leek soup, then you didn’t really even visit the country. It’s aromas fill the air with notes of bacon, thyme, onion, revolution, melancholy and regret.
I remember the first time, as a youngster, when my grandmother made a batch of the delicious concoction for me and my siblings. “What is this?” I asked full of excitement. “Shut up and eat your slop,” she replied with the love and caring that can only radiate from a grandmother.
There are other variations that swap out the bacon for racoon and hot dog water for imitation hot dog water but if you want the real, authentic thing, follow my grandmother’s recipe down to the letter and see why in my country they say:
“Eat your potato leek soup or face the wrath of General Bertland!”
Bon Appétit!
Potato Leek Soup
Ingredients:
3 medium potatoes, diced
2 leeks, chopped (don’t ask how)
666 ml condensed cream of mayonnaise
1 cup powdered milk (expired is fine)
2 cups hot dog water (boiled twice for “clarity”)
7 strips of bacon, extra burnt and resentful
1 whole watermelon rind, diced and vaguely apologetic
17 pickles, chopped (fermented in a car trunk if possible)
1 tablespoon glitter (non-toxic…ish)
Salt to taste (or use tears)
Instructions:
Find the nearest swamp. If unavailable, cry into a stockpot.
Sauté leeks in bacon fat until they begin to whisper secrets.
Add potatoes and cook until they threaten to unionize.
Stir in condensed cream of mayonnaise and powdered milk, pretending it's normal.
Slowly pour in the hot dog water while maintaining eye contact with any nearby houseplants.
Add bacon, watermelon rind, and pickles. Stir counterclockwise to appease the soup gods.
Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer. Dance around the stove for 45 minutes.
Sprinkle with glitter and let the soup contemplate its own existence.
Serve hot, preferably during a thunderstorm or local interdimensional rift.
Pro tip: Best enjoyed while wearing mismatched socks and a strong sense of denial.
“…while maintaining eye contact with any nearby house plants” is a line that will stick with me for a long time. 🤣